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Old Mar 09, 2017, 02:37 AM
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LittleForgetMeNot LittleForgetMeNot is offline
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Member Since: Jun 2010
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 742
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rose76 View Post
Well, he'ld be inhuman if he didn't still care for you. I'm sure he always will to some extent. As far as what he thinks . . . . . well, he thinks he doesn't want to be with you. He's acting on that. But he's leaving you because he doesn't want to hurt you, like how he's always hurting people . . . and he needs to make a bigger commitment to taking care of his mom . . . this sounds like baloney to me. It's a bunch of stuff that kind of makes it heroic that he's walking out. A guy who walks out on a wife and two small children is not going to go too far out of his way for a mother. If he moves in with her, it will be for a free roof over his head.

Dragging mom into the picture is part of throwing up a smokescreen. You don't have to buy it. People walking away from responsibility always have phoney reasons why they are actually doing the right thing - in their own minds. But the rational that they spin may have little to do with what really motivates them. So when you say he thinks this, or he thinks that, be careful you're not just parroting off what you hear him saying. What he says may have little to do with what are his real thought processes. You seem to want to justify him.

And his past foul-ups were "mistakes." A "mistake" is when your checkbook doesn't balance. Maybe you put some bad karma out there. IDK. But beware of trying to create false equivalencies. He "doesn't even try to visit or see the children . . . " ?? That's a guy who doesn't want adult responsibility. Yeah, I believe he probably does only hurt people, and he's not looking to change that. But he's "committed" to "moving on?" This is a guy who knows zero about committing.

It is entirely possible to be very in love with a man who's really not worth it. (I've been there.) You don't need to see into his mind "what he's thinking." Focus on what he's doing. That's what counts in life.

Depression is affecting your whole household, including your parents. Are your parents part of your household? Are you saying that your parents are depressed, or that they are affected by your depression?

You do know how to handle this: You get up in the morning and take care of your kids. You are in a lot of pain, and you will be. But you handle it by doing what he is not doing - taking care of responsibilities. That really is what gets us through tough times. Let your parents help you, if they can. Try not to be alone with the kids too much. Kids can't grasp what you're going through. You need moral support from adults. Is anyone there for you?
Well his mom actually does need help. Her ex-husband was found cheating on her through the infamous ashley madison. Not only that but my ex has caught the remains of what we believe is him smoking crack. So because of her recent break up, and losing her job due to various health problems, she's at risk of losing her condo. My ex actually has taken up a job, and works trying to help pay for her rent. They're getting behind though with his emergency dental bills and a clogged pipe that leaked into two other apartments. They're risking getting kicked out by June unless they can pay for the damages. They can't.

He asked to visit the kids yesterday. It went well. Once again he tried sleeping with me but I maintain currently that I'd rather reserve that for guys who wanna be with me.

My dad and my brother live with me. My dad is a single parent, borderline hoarder, with ptsd issues as well as a depression sine his mother passed away last year. My brother is mentally delayed. Dealing with their individual problems - especially the 'hoarding' - has been difficult, as well as them dealing with my depressive episodes and past arguments.

I don't really have many people there for me. I have cas involved after a suicide attempt I made. I asked them to stick around and support me, maybe get me out of this somehow. My worker is fully on my side and understands the situation I'm in. She's told me point blank that even though a lot of people care for me, there's no one here to truely help me because everyone is too burdened with their own problems. So she said she understands how I got to that point. So overwhelmed and seeing no other way. She said I was alone. And it was gonna suck but i was going to have to accept the reality and live like it. But of course that she was there to help me get to a point where i can thrive and be safe.

i'm thankful. I'm just having a hard time coping in the meantime.
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