Perhaps she said some nice things too? Unfortunately, we remember things that people say when they are emotional (upset about something). Sometimes parents have different "plans" for us than we do and things can escalate when minds don't meet. Sometime insecurities and misunderstandings contribute the mess--both parent and child end up feeling unloved. Do you feel like your mother loved you but was "flawed"? I know you had an extremely stressful childhood.