Quote:
Originally Posted by ramonajones
Waking up this morning I can already feel my child self fighting because she wants to go tomorrow. I am not going to go but it will definitely be a battle. I'm trying to comfort myself by imagining how surprised T1 will be when I don't show up. I have never ever missed a single appointment in 3.5 years. It may be immature but honestly I hope the thought crosses his mind that I may have actually gone ahead and blown my brains out over this nightmare as I've told him I've been considering many times.
I'm just literally thinking--I KNOW I could get a crumb of affection from him tomorrow--I just know it. I could get my crumb! It's been 9 days since I've seen him. I want a crumb BAD.
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I'm thinking of you, Ramona. It's taken me a long time to learn to make good decisions for myself. My Pdoc that went to federal prison....I wanted (want) to write him in prison. He's charismatic, entertaining, and weirdly I feel sorry for him. But I know it's not a good decision for either of us. So i won't.
Please make a good decision for yourself today, Ramona.