LOL that was fun to read and I understand your thoughts and feeling. I too feel like I 'fake it' a lot and at times when I'm way off base people don't notice or having any idea what's going on in my head. If they did they'd say I was bat s''' crazy. I'm not doing well at this time, I had a few manicky days in a row out of nowhere and have since crashed. I've had worse though but this depression feels like it's been going on forever and the manicky stuff seems so far removed and like it wasn't even real. It felt like a drug experience at the time actually. I was sure I was a very very smart person, I invested a chunk of money into stocks out of the blue and without thinking much about. Oh, and then I thought my mom was dead because an angel visited me in a dream. I actually completely came to terms with the death. A week later it seems unreal and I am barely eating. All I've done for days is rest and sleep. I know it will end and I'll have a normal period again. I have always come out of episodes at least enough to be in the 'faking it' stage where I'm so-so but make it seem like I'm doing great. I have rapid cycling type 1 and we've had a really hard time getting to consistent stability. I have several 'normal' weeks and then am cycling again. I enjoyed your post and hope it helped you with getting your thoughts out.