Long-story short, at this point I'm 90% sure I fit a lot of the criteria for BPD, so I've started seeing a new counselor who specializes in DBT, just yesterday actually. This thread'll serve as a journaling device of the sorts, thoughts I have about [my hypothetical] BPD, updates on how counseling's going, the works.

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So to start off, I've been seeing a, the term is psychotherapist I think(?), for a few months, but that whole time I didn't really feel like I was touching on the core of my uh, inner turmoil. Cheesy way to put it, I know. I'd read about other personality disorders in the past, borderline included, but it was more through the lens of... like,

you know when you have some kind of pain in your leg, then you go on WebMD and somehow it's probably cancer? But people usually do that in jest (I mean, right?), so I was darting through diagnoses in a sort of joking tone, "ohhhh yeah it's totally Asperger's, okay time to move on with my life," only to find that BPD fit, eerily well. Way too well and I didn't want it to. So I'd been dwelling on that for the past few months and sorta' just, burying it? Not addressing it? Honestly did the same thing for my gender issues, hahaha. So in the meantime while I was seeing my psychotherapist, I was looking at listings for counselors who actually specialized in DBT, and, here I am! I have addressed these concerns with my current psychotherapist, worry not, I'm just a little afraid to up-and-stop seeing her, I have a slight family history with this one.

But I really like the direction I [feel like I] am headed with this new counselor, no joke! Yesterday was mostly an introduction/planning thing, a week and a half from now is our actual first session. I just hope I don't get too intense before then.