I'm caring for my two year old nephew. He is my pride and joy!

My father is horribly ill and in need of constant care. He lives about 2 1/2 hours from me. I had to make a decision not to be there for him. I can't take care of myself, my family and this precious baby AND be there for him.

I had previously made a decision that I would be there for him if I could, but that was pre-baby. Many people are AMAZED that I would even consider being there for him. He was an evil man. The only reason he still isn't is the fact that he's ill. However, the bright spots I remember in my young childhood involve him...then he went completely over the edge. He was evil. He was never there for me. My entire family has PTSD due to him. He is uncaring. The only reason he contacted me is because he's so ill. I could go on and on.

Why then do I still feel quilt? I don't understand! I know I'm a very compassionate person and wouldn't want an animal to die alone. Intellectually, I know I'm doing the right thing. Why then do I feel this guilt and find myself trying to figure out ways to go down there?

I will do the right thing and keep on track because I refuse to take from the baby to give to this man, but why do I wish somewhere that I could? It makes me feel weak and like I'm the biggest pushover in the world or a glutten for punishment.

Any thoughts would be so appreciated. I need to figure this out. It's started to really bring me down.

kimmydawn