I'm terrified by the thought that I will make it to the age of 19, I can't stand it. I really want to be dead by then. I can't go on like this, I can't stand the uncertainty, the unrealness. Thinking about the future scares me and often leaves me feeling unreal. My life is a mess and I have no motivation to do anything or become anything. I still fear that the world will end sometime in my sleep. I really just want an end.