I can relate so much! My t didn't want to diagnose me because apart from everything I was telling her that went perfectly with bipolar she couldn't SEE my moods that much. I don't mean to fake it. But I had to learn to control myself very early on in life so I know how to hide things and usually in episodes disappear from my real friends for a while doing the crazy stuff without anyone seeing.

And I know the feeling of "I have never not been like this" so well. When I become depressed it always feels like it had been like this forever. I forget that I know what it is like to feel good. I think I haven't been well the times I have been well. It is an ugly trick of the depressed mind.