Thinking more about this...

"When something goes wrong, does your partner blame everyone but himself or herself?".Is it fair or correct if I answer yes to that because he does do that?Is it because he's a narcissist or is it because maybe as a child he did that to prevent his mother from beating him?Could it be an automatic defense thing he does without even realizing he does?

So many of the questions could be a definite yes about him,but without being a professional,maybe it's not fair for me to judge him at all,maybe what seems to be narcissim and gaslighting to me are more about what he experiences internally,the way he reacts due to his own issues.

I know some people seem to think that abuse in childhood automatically means a dissociative disorder or even DID but that's just not true.My husband was abused but does not have a dissociative disorder,does not have DID,his way of coping was obviously different than mine.Maybe all the things that I get upset about,that we argue about,are how he copes.Like blaming everyone else.



Sorry if I have gone off topic,I don't think I have though.The checklist just opened a whole new train of thought for me and has me questioning my entire perception of my husband now.And on further reflection I may end up feeling compassion for him instead of this anger for the things he does.So thank you for posting.