In the last ten years or so my ex was unofficially(?) diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder... the psychologist said he had it... he never bothered to do any follow up so I doubt it's official. It's still a perfect fit for him, from being so freakin perfect from the get go to turning into a full blown psycho on you who makes you question the validity of your every thought. He never has even tried to change or become something like a decent human being. I still have tons of hostility towards the man to this day and he and I have been divorced since... I dunno... 2002 maybe? I wasn't even the version of me who had to live with him and I hate him. Heh.

Hm... rant aside...

I'm not sure if my current spouse is a narcissist or not. I'm kinda in the same boat as CrispApple... is it his issues or mine? I have no clue. It's really hard for me to pick all that apart and yeah.

But back to the questions... does having narcissistic personality disorder dismiss crappy behavior? I don't think so. Though I would say that if someone is working on their issues, some slack/patience/tolerance should be extended... but if someone is making zero effort to be a better person despite what they have going on, then no. Having a personality disorder, I think, is not a free pass to act like a jerk and hurt people around you. I'm not entirely convinced that people who have this can change or work to become better people. I know that's based on my ex and my mom as well, but it's just the people I know who have been this way do not change and never see a reason to. I would love to be proven wrong on this.

I also understand the sense of freedom that comes with this kinda stuff. When that psychologist was talking about his dx stuff, it gave 'me' a decent amount of validation... that it wasn't me just being a paranoid lunatic when he and I were together... that he was actually pulling the stunts I said he was that he denied and called me crazy and wrong for. Yeah, validation. It was a good thing.

-V