Your post resonates with me, very much so. It's like ... a big part stays "invisible." I very much felt this early on in my diagnosis and my life was structured that I had to play the part...the professional, the wife, the mother, the always-there friend. I smile a lot naturally so people had no idea, except my family.

My family. They didn't like it. Some empathized...one person. She couldn't hide her shock and sorrow for me. She really cared about me and her reaction was like I told her I had terminal cancer. We were sitting on the edge of a swimming pool when I quietly told her. After her reaction, we just went back to acting normal.

My job would have been toast. Well, that happened later lol.

I was blatantly stigmatized by someone I really like last week. I understand everything being ******** and faking it. Eventually, it caught up with me, faking it. But I still do a lot. I changed who I have relationships with...people that understand. Inside my home, I'm just me. Occasionally I fake it because I think the circumstances warrant it to achieve a goal.

I'm amazed at how people think I'm just "nuts," sometimes. I act your had an extended family member tell me I ALWAYS act bizarre. Really? C'mon. I wasn't even offended, I'm much happier than that person is....they are "normal" but don't seem happy.

Sorry for getting off track, this thread resonates with me, a lot. A lot of it is ********. I skip the ******** and do the good stuff. I hope you keep this thread open. I totally follow you. Try to be yourself, I know it's hard. Maybe I'm weak. I could only keep a major facade (to everyone) that I was OK for three years.

I'm totally "me" now. I'm disabled, things changed so much. I can't work anymore but I fill my life with good people. I dyed my hair blue, three shades. Not manic. I just wanted to and I love it. My family wasn't supportive nor my spouse. Unbelievable. A lot of people just can't relate. We get you, at least.

We are more than our disorder. Thinking of you. xo