I can't because I need to be home. I can't be gone for long. I had to get a special friend to fly in from another state to "cover" for me during IP. Plus, I want to care for them. I love them, vice-versa. Everyone else is gone. It's sad.

My pdoc is great, I'm feeling more hopeful now. He switched ALL my meds back, except for one change and he thinks it will work better. That probably sounds counter-intuitive but it's not. It took eight years to find the best combo. This is it. I'm still disabled and struggle...but this combo is best. We will reduce my benzo (gradually) from four to three times a day.....afterwards. I'm ok with that, a study came out about Benzos and memory issues. I've been taking them for ten years. I'll always need them, but will reduce.

I may relocate totally after this geographically ....with my partner. I'll always need meds, but I'm going to customize my life the way I want it. For the first time. It gives me hope for the future. It's bleak now, so I keep my plan in the back of my mind. My loved one doesn't know. He doesn't need any stress and I'm an adult. He'd just worry.

I do have a supportive partner. It's the three of us and my cats. lol

I am doubling up on therapy. I'd already bumped up to every week. Now I'll start going twice a week. My Medicare doesn't cover it, unfortunately...but ill cut back elsewhere. I'm going to start twice a week soon....sort of...two weeks. I'm not cognitively intact enough, I need my old meds to kick in. Just started back today. My pdoc is awesome. He wants to see me more, too.

I hope I regain my focus for reading. It disappeared with the IP med changes. Reading is my passion. And writing.

I appreciate your thoughts and suggestions-please keep posting. It means a lot and helps me.

One thing that is nice is that this person never judged me for my mental illness. The only one in my family. We are very close.

See? Rambling. Thank you, all.