thank you all for your replies, just thought i would add this little bit..
i have an apointment tomorrow with me pdoc, im going to ask him more about it.....
"kath say's rather hospital bed then dead"
im struggling and its like the walls of my world are tumbling down on top of me
((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs to you all))))))))))))))))))))))

dec x0x