Here I am....Here I am....words on this screen....I feel as before......sorrow streaming over my BE-ing...like water flowing over flesh......it aches....and I am tired....I come again...fingers falling on the keys...may they pound me into knowing....Someone asked....Do you feel neglected....my answer is no.....neglected implies there was thought of you...with regret....?.....More a truing expressed....dismissed.......I have connection....and no connection....I am alone...and never separate.....so how does the ache arrive..... how... how....how....why does it linger....

I have stepped outside...into the greening....the wandering forest nun....has come again....with the season....to ring the bell upon my gate....requesting to sit with me...her face looks on me....and smiles.....her heart holds joy to see me....I have gone too.....to a holy place....I see....that same joy...race...from heart....to face...to eyes....at the sight of me.....it is true....offered without measure....I feel it.....I see it....there is the touch of it...in hand and arms that hold.....laughter as joy rising...it enters....and it does not...have anchor.......my brain...takes too much....to hold the body upright....for words to speak...with meaning....to move through space...and walk into crowd....and hold within the confines of acceptable sizing of sanity........arms crooked out...a place offered to hold my hand....walking breathing...one foot in front of the other....moments into memories....known....and not held....as presence....their fullness...more viewed...than mine....yet....the thought....rises....here I am....Here I am...Here I am....and I wish to wash my mind...with tears....I am tired.......I have lost my sense......