Yes - I appreciate this point. My car analogy was included to illustrate my lack of interest in being ill -if, indeed (as this is my question) I am ill in some treatable capacity - whether it be a mental problem that needs help from a skilled/experienced/knowledgeable person or through medication - I was just open to it being something to do with innate behaviour due to something like autism that seems to have become more obvious in recent years - I find that hard to understand - I couldn't find any reference to anything like "late-onset" autism or perhaps just a growing dissatisfaction with life, reality, other people. I exercise a lot (always have done) and that's good for my sense of well-being and general happiness, positivity but it doesn't prevent me from flaring up into a really awkward guy sometimes. I'm always seeking a sense of peace - this is part of why I exercise so much (I used to run but 25 years of that has worn my knees out and after 3 surgeries I was no longer able to run) - I swim 2-3 times a week, minimum of 2 hrs, sometimes 3hrs. At the moment I am just not sure about why I am like this when, as I said before - I don't think I'm depressed at all and I'm not an anxious person or someone who lacks self confidence - most people think I am easy going and relatively happy but that's because they never get to see these horrible moments when something triggers me to start making an issue out of something - usually a complaint about something - at these times I'm just horrible.