I want you to do a short search for Joseph Campbell ... he was a world renound mytholigist ... his " theme" was the masks we wear ... our self imposed covering to hide the real us ... his path to bliss is to throw off this false mask and let our real self come out ... that we all are the same under our masks ... that we are all one ... in the east this would be called enlightenment ... you show a great sense of self awareness ... personally I feel we all are "carriers" of mental illness ... like a virus it lurks under the surface ... in some it never appears ... in some it has always been there to see ... and as in my case i believe it can flair up and go away temp almost at will ... and it has a mind of it's own ... I think learning about our masks has done more to keep my mi at bay than all the meds in my cabinet ... if your interested I suggest checking out the Joseph Campbell Companion ... which is a collection of essays and lectures compiled after his death ... ever hear of star wars ... he was Lucas's council on the mythology to use as the base of that story (quest) ... which is why it has hit such a nerve with the human condition .... every human on this planet wears masks everyday ... children have not learned this yet ... the very aged usually drop there's at some point ... though I can not prove this I do believe some mi souls have become expert at there mask ... maybe the best at it ... do you need to drop it ... your decision ... but it never hurts to understand these things and then come from a place of strength .... remember today is the beginning of the rest of your life ... are you happy as it is ... or do you need to change ... scary ... yes ... but knowledge is power ... best wishes friend .. Tigger.