I never get defended by those who say they love me. I must think I am better than they think I am.

I did defend these same other people in the past. I am just that kind of person to do that. But these people are just not the kind of person to defend me.

I know it is faulty thinking for me to wish they would, because they never do, even after I tell them how much it means to me if they would.

So I sit here in a bad mood. Tears every day.

Their neglect tells me I don't matter. I deprive myself of pleasure now and cause myself pain. It looks like full-blown disorder.

I am in a rut of my own making, not helping myself out.

I don't hate myself. I like myself. Maybe I don't love myself.