Thank you for replying. This sounds bizarre but I didn't even realize I had "needs" until my marriage failed. I was constantly trying to stay under my mom's radar...that was my sole goal, as I was abused. My needing anything never came up. My mother's narcissism kept the focus on her.

Then, of course, I unknowingly married a diagnosed narcissist (diagnosed during psych evals for the divorce). It was all about him during our marriage. I got so blind-sided by the emotional abuse, it was ingrained I didn't deserve the little I received. For example, he always had two luxury vehicles and I drove a beater Honda Civic. And I didn't blink an eye pulling in 70K a year and not feeling I was allowed or entitled to buy a car.

I digress. You've got a good handle on the concept of needs. I understand needs now and my relationship with my partner is healthy, as well as the person I am sole caretaker for. That said, it's my default to go to the ends of the earth for someone I care about....and this is a fast track situation. It's sad and it's ugly.

I can't go IP again. I doubled my therapy to twice a week. I really can't afford it but I need the support. I'm doing it for a short time, I think. My T wants to help get me stabilized.

I hear the words of self-care, you can only do so much, etc. I now understand I have needs and I have to take care of me and then I can take care of others.

I'm having trouble putting it into practice. I'm trying very hard. My T said my C-PTSD plays into it. She said I'm very symptomatic.

I'm not being a martyr. Im not thinking clearly yet, unfortunately. At least I'm not depressed. I don't have time for it. I really NEED to get through this and do my very best. He deserves no less. My pdoc is hounding me to call HOSPICE. He's not that far gone yet. Hospice is a week or so. He would hate it. He's only 64.

I have plans when I get through everything. Good plans with my partner. I think about it.