This idea that "love" means never keeping anything to yourself is utter nonsense at best and, at worse, can be quite destructive. Even between husband and wife . . . even between persons deeply in love . . . there needs to be boundaries. Each human being is entitled to a zone of privacy. Lose that, and what you have is not a healthy relationship, but a case people trying to own each other (or one owning the other) in a way that diminishes human dignity. So you telling your guy about the forced kissing incident was plain silly. (Your assumption that he had no secrets from you was silly also. He did, going way back.) And, yes, he is simply using that info against you because he knows you feel guilty. Never apologize for something you didn't cause. By apologizing profusely, you said you were guilty of something. You should have let the incident go and just moved on. It's no good to drag around something that belongs in the past and forgotten about. Now, he'll think about it forever. And, yes, he is using it manipulatively.

Your husband has no business messaging any woman. Married men don't do that, if they take their marriage seriously. Sure he was all faithful to you while he was locked up. Nobody's going to be more faithful than a guy in jail. But he got out and, maybe, wanted to make up for lost time. So he probably did have a sexual encounter with this woman. You can put that in the past, too. What counts is now. The messaging is wrong and you have every right to object to it. Married men don't normally have female "friends" that they confide in. Couples socialize with other couples . . . and, also, with single persons . . . but they do it together. If this woman isn't also your friend, he shoukd have no contact with her.

Your husband is not accusing you of infidelity because he really believes it. It's just a stick to beat you with. And it works beautifully. It gets you back to apologizing. Stop apologizing. Stop re-answering questions you've already answered. Stop arguing. He can't argue about this, if you refuse to participate in the argument. He may genuinely have unwarranted bts about you, but you can't argue someone out of irrational thinking. Don't try. Your defensiveness just reinforces his doubt. You cannot control what he believes (or claims to believe.) That's you treading on his zone of privacy. Don't worry about what he might, or might not, believe. Worry about current behavior. What goes on inside of his mind is really none of your business. You don't want it to be, as I'm sure plenty of crazy crap goes on in there.

I'll not tell you you're foolish to be with an ex-convict. I've worked in correctional facilities. The inmates are not all monsters. But they pretty much all do have more than their share of issues. Your husband is quite immature. That's why he ended up in prison. You have to face the reality of what you are married to - a guy with major problems in how he thinks about things.