Thanks for the info. He's not incapacitated yet. I was hoping he would live another year, but the oncologist said maybe four months. He didn't want to upset me, my stepdad. He sleeps on the couch now. His bed isn't comfortable anymore. I wonder if he'll be dead one morning after I wake up. I found my bio dad and my stepdad and I discontinued her kidney dialysis...we killed her. If you have Diabetes, please take care of yourself.

I can't picture him in hospice yet. I feel like it's not my place to tell him we need Hospice now because ... well, I was raised to respect my elders. It becomes a role-reversal when a parent is terminally ill. My mom was terminally ill with brain damage...but my stepdad is lucid. He will remain lucid.

Today I attempted to clean out my mom's office. She died nine years ago. My stepdad's grief was so extreme that he only could donate her clothes. I'm in this big house ... with their things. And when my biological father died, I had to deal with his possessions, house, everything.

Radical Acceptance. Mindfulness. Therapy. Pdoc/meds. This forum. My partner. My cats. My daughter. Gratitude. The future plans. How I must learn to cope.

I'm scared about knowing it's going to get much worse. And four months seems so fast. He was diagnosed Stage IV, metastasized to his liver last November. Last Cat Scan shows it has spread to his spleen.

This is a huge loss. I am grateful he stuck around the longest...my best parent.

I NEVER expected my parents to die so young. 55.

If something happened to my daughter or my partner...just...please no.

I'm going to get through this and I will be by his side. I can do this.

I'm not religious, I'm agnostic. Sometimes I wished I believed. To draw strength, have faith. I'm a lapsed Presbyterian and firmly agnostic (not atheist). Strangely, I find myself frantically pleading to "God" every once in awhile...during a hard time. Then I feel guilty for,just praying when desperate.

Thanks for listening. I think I will keep this thread going. If anyone wants to read and reply, that's awesome. But it's long, it's bleak, we know the ending as to my stepdad.

I'm not depressed. I am concerned about coming out of this ... ok.