Would you be willing to seek it? If there's a tiny chance it could help lift this weight off your shoulders, a chance you could maybe even properly treat your depression; are you willing to at least research these things and look into getting a trauma therapist (make sure that's their specialty)?

I got so much worse before I actually began treating the trauma. I'm not amazing or 100% better, but I'll take where I am now in comparison to how I was.