If I remember right, you were going to leave your marriage because your H wasnt what you expected him to be like sexually.

Now you are having issues because you arent being defended the way you expect to be.

I seriously understand how this can happen but before we go accusing others it's important to know whether our expectations are IN FACT realistic.

I expected behaviors from my H I realized later on were impossibly when it was obvious by his behavior he was/is ASD. it didnt mean that I could live with it just because I realized it...BUT my expectations could never be met given the ASD. My expectations along with my needs would have had to have changed if a relationship with him were to be successful because he was INCAPABLE of change.

In other words....we need to look at the big picture & decide if they can't change to meet our expectations can we change our expectations to meet them? If not....there is just irreconcilable differences in the relationship that will NEVER be resolved as long as nothing can be changed.

We can struggle when our expectations are too high that people cant meet them....OR we can struggle when we have NORMAL expectations but the people around us are incapable of performing those expectations. As you said, you have already told them what you need & want from them so its not that they arent aware.