OK, so here's my story and I need help. When I was in my 20's and early 30's I could eat and drink anything I wanted and never gained an ounce, not ever. I'm 5'7" and I used to weigh about 120, 125 but never more than that. At one point I even weighed 98 because due to stress I couldn't eat. I just couldn't, it made me sick to my stomach, just the smell of food made me want to vomit. I did drink a lot of beer but no beer gut for me..... Than, I think was 36, 37 maybe, I was in rehab for the drinking and they put me on medication for my anxiety (clonazepam and fluvoxamine). Even though I would have "episodes" every now and then, I felt great. I met a man in rehab, the knight in shining armor and after 6 months we started a relationship. Biggest mistake of my life because he beat the hell out of me for almost 5 years and I was back to beer drinking again. He managed to break my ankle in 3 places, I had surgery etc. and because I started walking too soon on that foot I developed a back problem. Much to my horror I was gaining weight rapidly. At one point I was 286 lbs so I decided to not eat anymore, I had done it before, I could do it again. But I couldn't, I HAD to eat and I HAD to eat a lot. I went back to my T, she hardly recognized me. She told me that I needed food for comfort and that I gained weight because I was protecting myself from all the beatings. Made sense. She put me on a diet, didn't work. I figured that it was because of him so I mustered up the courage and left (it wasn't that easy, believe me). This was in February of 2001 and it was the best thing I ever did. A year later I nearly died because of a severe pneumonia (spent a week at ICU and 3 weeks in the hospital), a week after I was released my cat died. He had been with me for 15 years. A month later my sister nearly died because of an aneurysm. That was not a good year for me. But I exercised, I went on a diet, rode my bike daily. Guess what??? After 6 months I hadn't lost an ounce. Now I'm in a very good relationship with a woman who totally loves me for me, doesn't beat the hell out of me, never even yells at me, totally understands what I've been through and we've been together for almost 4 years. And.... I gained weight.... I'm 311 lbs. My back is killing me, I can't walk my dog, I have to do everything sitting down and I am so, so sick of it. I cannot look in a mirror anymore. I'm a fat f****** pig. And I've tried to not eat or eat healthy food, just veggies and fruit and I don't lose the weight. My T said years ago that it was because of the abuse (mentally and physically) but he's not here. In fact, I moved here to get away from him (long story). He's thousands of miles away, maybe he's not even alive anymore, I don't know and I don't care. I do care however about me, I WANT to lose weight, I NEED to lose weight but I can't. I welcome any helpful tips you have. If not, thanks for listening.