I feel like my brain shuts off, as if it can't connect to anything and that I can no longer care about anything. Just a void of nothing. I can be talking away fine and then snap immediatly it shuts off and I just stair at the ground and can't think of anything to say. Im always unable to sort through my thoughts as if I can't focus on one of them. I live permanently in my head as if it's the real world and I'm safe there, I know it's not but I can't stop daydreaming, it's as if I can't cope with reality. I get addicted to things very quickly, I've always had physical ticks or habits growing up where I can't control the movement of my body I still suffer now but not as badly. There is just one that has stayed with me where I have to pass my eyes over for example the corners and edges of objects like a television, even writing this now I can't stop following the corners of the screen. It gets very frustrating as it stops me from ever focusing on anything and my eyes after awhile will start to hurt but I cant stop it I have to do it. It's become so natural now. I thought it could be ocd but I don't have it with anything else.

Ive spent my whole life in fear, I'm scared all the time, I can never face anything only run away wether physically or in my head. I've forced myself before to face my fears but everytime I find some way to make it a hundred times worse for myself and the people around me. Maybe this is where my brain started to shut off but I don't know....

When it comes to making decisions Im not able to, it's like a mental barrier gets put into my brain and I cant decide, I end up just doing what everyone says or what a book says, I'm not able to make a decision and it causes unimaginable amount of problems. I don't know if this is all linked but I can't handle it anymore.

For the past year I've been accused of something which I haven't done which is very serious and sickening and could destroy lives. I have tried to fix it, but at the beginning I completely lost my mind and said so much crap that came into my head where some was true and some was false but every thought became like a razor blade sinking deeper and deeper into my brain and the only way to stop it was to say it. Unfortunately the only person I could say it to was the person who was accusing me. All I done was give them my thoughts and mess them up. I even done a lie detector test to prove it (which I passed) but afterwards i still couldn't snap out of it. Now this person has every reason to believe im lieing, but I'm not.

How do you prove to someone your not lieing, when your scared 24/7, when you feel as if you have lost your mind, when you can't stand up for yourself, when your brain shuts off and you are unable to explain anything and when you have given them every reason not to believe you.

Every day that goes on makes me feel worse and worse and more shut off, it's like a constant battle in my brain where everyone around me just gets hurt. I know I'm the problem but I don't know how to fix myself I'm sick of feeling this way and hurting the people I care for.