This is a little long, but I will try to make it as short as possible with as much fact as possible...

My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over four years now. For the first three years of our relationship he came in and out of my life whenever it was convenient for him (multiple times he would leave). Around Dec 2015 after he left me yet again, I began talking to another person. When my boyfriend came back he told me that this time he was sincere and wanted it to truly be us. I was on board with this because I ultimately loved him, but was still talking to this other man. I had slept with this other guy a couple of times while trying to work things out with my boyfriend. After a couple of weeks I cut off contact with the. Ew guy and told him my boyfriend and I were going to work in things. My boyfriend asked me if there was anything he should know about me and this other man (as in if I had slept with him). This is where I know I was wrong, but I thought I was trying to protect my boyfriends feeelings and our relationship so I told him no.

Throughout the next year my boyfriend would be pleagued with the thought of me being with someone else and the guilt started to eat away at me so I would confess little bits here and there. Every time my boyfriend would tell me to just explain things and we could move forward, but when I did tell him a little bit, he would freak out and threaten to throw me out of the house and our relationship would be done. So I would then cower up and stop confessing things. In hindsite I should have just afdmitted everything at once, instead I trickled it out throughout an entire year when in December 2016 I confessed everything fromA-Z.

Today we are fighting because he states he does not trust me (I have never lied about any other part of my life). I know that what I have done is wrong and I have tried apologizing. I have been remourseful and have asked how I can make things better. I have tried explaining to him my reasons on how at that point in my life I was in a dark place and didn't know if I could trust that he wouldn't just leave me once again. I have tried reasoning with him in telling him that the previous three years he would constantly leave me to go back to his ex wife, messed with my head so much I was lost...

He just keeps telling me that I need to fix this and be honest. I have been honest and he believes I am still hiding something, and I am not. He has now stated he has hired a private investigator to look into my past around that time frame. I don't know how to fix this...I have nothing else to hide, I am completely transparent...

We are going to therapy for the first time (hopefully this week) but I wanted to reach out here for some guidance...