Hello Needadvice: I'm sorry you are in this most difficult situation. I don't know as there is much I can offer you here in the way of advice. I think the fact that you & your bf are going to therapy is a great sign. I'm an older man & my wife & I have been married for 38 years. Based on that, I believe I can say with confidence that it takes a whole lot of compassion & forgiveness to keep a romantic relationship going over the long term. What's in the past is in the past & needs to be let go. If your bf can't do that, this is not an encouraging sign. His hiring a private eye is, in my opinion, really over-the-top.

You mentioned an ex-wife & the fact that your bf kept going back to her over a 3 year period. This is also not a good sign, in my opinion. Perhaps, since the two of you will be going to therapy, you can work through all of this together. But if things don't seem to be changing for the better, or if for some reason therapy doesn't happen, I would recommend caution in continuing to try to keep this relationship going.

I see this is your first post here on PC. So... to PsychCentral… from the Skeezyks! May the time you spend here be of benefit.

PsychCentral is a great place to get information as well as support for mental health issues. The more you post, & reply to other members’ posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are social groups you can join & chat rooms where you’ll be able to connect with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) Lots of great stuff! So please keep posting!