Look at your husband in the totality of his behavior, not just his behavior with you. Someone with his attitude doesn't just have disharmony at home. Ask yourself: how does he get along with his supervisor at work, his coworkers, your neighbors, his family, your family? I strongly doubt he's getting along great with everyone in his world and only has tension with you over this supposed betrayal. Think about it. I bet you'll come up with other examples of him being ticked off with this one, or that one. People are being unfair to him. He's being betrayed. I'll bet this poisons his thinking about how others treat him . . . not just you.

Everyone builds a "narrative" about their life - a story about how their life got to be how it is. He's been going through life as kind of a loser. Rather than face that he hasn't made the most of life's opportunities, he's got to come up with an alternative narrative: "I'm being held back by people who don't do me right . . . a disloyal, deceitful wife who carries on with other guys. Oh - the pain of my existance. Oh! - the cross that I have to carry in this marriage. Oh - poor me. What did I ever do to deserve this? It's a wonder I don't just give up." It has nothing to do with you. It's him formulating his alibi for why he hasn't gone further in life. The more you discuss that supposed "incident," the more you lend an air of reality to it - like there actually is something to talk about. There isn't. You don't need me to tell you that. Refuse to even respond to absurdities.

Your guy needs to grow up and he's got a long way to go. There is a slight chance that, with the stability that being married to you provides him, he may gradually gain some maturity - a slight chance. But it will be a slow process.

One possible response is to laugh off his nutty charges. "Yeah, Honey, in a weak moment I gave it to temptation. And, besides that guy, there were six others that I used to have wild romps with. I knew it was wrong, but I'm just a regular Jezebel."

BTW, not for nothing, but you do have to work on your boundaries. That guy who "came upstairs" after you told him to "wait here" knew you had weak boundaries. You wouldn't let your kids behave like that at someone else's house. He tested your tolerance of him going up the stairs by talking about "normal nonsense," and you acted like everything was fine, so he made a bold move. That was extremely disrespectful of him. Be a little less naive. Until you get to be about age 55, or so, men are going to test your boundaries. It's what men do. You don't have to be walled off and going around in a burka, but it is your responsibility to maintain some psychological "fences." And don't go putting your hands on men's faces. It's just wiser to be a bit more reticent in your demeanor.

Your husband may actually "believe" he's not that great of a catch, as husbands go - which he's not - and he needs to bring you down, so he won't feel undeserving of you. What people believe - in the deepest part of their hearts - is a mystery and it's best to make no assumptions aboit what anyone "believes." What a person tells you they believe might, or might not, have anything to do with their deepest beliefs. People kid themselves all the time about what they "believe." Deal with behavior. That's what counts.