"Your brother isn't helpful."

WTF??? My brother is a freaking sociopath. Or at the least a malignant narcissist.I am totally traumatized that he told me I should commit suicide. What a horrible demonic thing to say to anyone, least of all one's little sister.

I have had a week to think about all this. I don't consider that I have a mental illness anymore. The psychiatrist refused to give me a diagnosis this year. My family doctor said I was situationally depressed, and I think that is correct. It is possible to experience suicidal ideation without having a mental illness if one is under a lot of stress. Suicidal ideation is not having a plan or making an attempt. It is just thoughts and they can be fleeting or continuous but often not to the planning stage. I don't want to die. I just want to be out of pain. I have never attempted. Suicidal ideation can be caused by chronic stress. I have chronic and extreme financial stress and I live alone, am socially isolated and do not have family nearby, nor do I have any close friends at this time. Most people my age are nearing retirement. I will never be able to retire. I need to figure out how to not become homeless. That's my reality. So depressed, yeah. I AM seriously depressed.

I have changed my mind completely and feel I will not self-disclose to anyone EVER AGAIN. Nobody really helped me all that much. If I felt I was in real danger to myself or others I don't think I would hesitate to take myself to the hospital emergency room. However, I actually found out that we have a 24 hour crisis center in my town. So I could go there.

But no, I don't believe in self-disclosure anymore. I would not self-disclose to any new friends. I have often found that "new" friends offer too much information anyway. I don't really care to hear about their messy divorce, problems with their adult children, or physical or mental problems. My new hobby is running and maybe I will join some running clubs. Hopefully everyone will be too busy getting healthy to overshare.

My brother's words will hurt me forever on some level. People should really watch what they say. Being a sociopathic narcissist my brother switches from being very charming to very nasty. I will be careful not to let him slither back into my life.