Quote:
Originally Posted by seesaw
Yes I have very little family on Facebook as it is. Mostly just people who I know don't judge me. I tried to open up and allow a lot of my cousins, who I don't really have relationships with onto my FB, but just couldn't handle it so ended up removing them.
My parents are divorced, and it's not amicable, so fortunatley distancing myself from one parent doesn't mean I have to distance myself from another. My mom and I are pretty close, but we've had our ups and downs too. She was very mentally ill for a while and we didn't speak for 4 years, but we are on good terms now and she is getting help for her MI problems.
I'm done with my dad, and somewhat, my uncle, since the uncle feeds him information, and lies about what was said. My uncle acts like I'm the reason we're not speaking, when that isn't true. When I moved, a year ago, I called my dad to tell him, and he did not want to speak to me. So, even though it was against my better judgment, I reached out. It's been over a year and the only contact we've had is that he sent me a gift card for Christmas. I don't even know where I put it, lol.
I just know that if I don't call him back, I'll get labeled even more by my family as a bad person. But I'm not sure I care. They really don't know anything about me or what I've suffered at their hands.
Seesaw
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To put it bluntly: don't worry so much about what your extended family or your uncle or father thinks of you. As one of my favorite writers Dorothy Parker once quipped, "what other people think of me, is none of my business." It's a motto that I've come to adopt and I apply it to everyone I am in contact with. If someone is going to trash talk me -- esp. if that someone is a family member -- then I don't care. Let them trash talk about me with other family members. Does that change what I think of myself? No way. I respect myself. I like who I am. I don't live my life anymore (like I used to), based on what others think about me. I used to care too much about what my family members thought of me, even the ones who were abusive. Now in my late 40s, I couldn't care less. And you shouldn't care either.
That is very unfortunate that your parents acrimonious divorce has divided you from your father. But he sounds like a very prideful, stubborn jerk if he's going to refuse to talk to you, his own daughter, yet then sends you mixed messages when you receive holiday cards from him. He's not sending you a clear signal that you matter to him anymore, otherwise he'd be the one to reach out, ask you for your forgiveness, and make an effort to repair the damage he's caused in your life as your father.
Your uncle sounds like a real jerk. I wouldn't call him back, but that's me. If you know yourself, that you'll feel guilty for not following social norms of calling him back, then call him back but be aloof and formal. Otherwise, be confident that you don't have to return your uncle's call. You don't even have to text him, or email him either since you know he will distort and twist what you say to him in your brief conversations as he's done in the past. Why waste your time on someone that unreliable and untrustworthy? Who cares if you're related. Doesn't mean you have to endure abuse from family members, just because you're related to each other. You don't, and shouldn't.
I am 100% estranged from both sides of my extended family. They never made an effort to stay in contact with me outside of social media, nor did they ever accept my invitations to get together, instead pushing me away with the "I'm too busy" excuse. So, I stopped making any effort to maintain ties with my aunts, uncles and cousins. I'm totally isolated. It's very lonely and sad and depressing. And it's darkened my life.
So, I'm in the process of figuring out how to form new connections with strangers who I can trust as closely as you would trust a devoted, stable, reliable family member. If you don't have good family, then you are forced to seek out other social outlets where you can meet people who take on family member roles in your life. And that is what I have to do.
Maybe that is what you need to do. Not everyone's family of origin is a healthy, stable unit.