I would like to share my story with everyone. Please be advised it is in regards to a suicide attempt.

Tuesday night I had come home from visiting my husband at our house where he is living. We have been living apart since August. My husband is bi polar and had an affair back in June and July. He came to me in August right before I was to move into my apartment and begged me to forgive him and not divorce him. For the past three months he has been trying to win me back. He has literally begged me for forgiveness and has reassured me that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. The middle of October I decided to take my husband back and call off our divorce. I called my attorney and told him to close the file. About one week later my husband told me he needed his space. He told me he is scared and confused. He is afraid that my anger has not subsided from his affair and that I will lash out at him again in the future and he doesn't know if he can take it. Personally, I think this is a lousy excuse and I honestly have no idea what is going on in his head, other than the fact that he is very manic and depressed.

So, two days ago my husband told me he wanted a divorce. I feel so betrayed.....again. I have listened to him beg me for forgiveness and as soon as I decide to make my marriage work he runs away.

Tuesday night I went to my house to confront my husband. I cried and begged him to not divorce me. I took our wedding album and a book called, "Why I Love You" (a gift from him a few years ago) and tried to show him these things to remind him of our love. I gave him a love letter I wrote pouring out my feelings of love for him.

When I walked in the door my husband said, "you've got 5 minutes to talk and then you need to go". I was devasted. He would not listen to me and he laughed at me as I professed my love for him. He threw me out of our house.

When I got home I was desperately hopeless. I was a sobbing mess and felt as if my life was over. I was getting ready for bed and I took 2 Xanax to relieve my anxiety along with a sleeping pill. As I stood in my bathroom I stared at the medication in my medicine cabinet and just started swallowing every pill I had.

Then I went to bed. I had 3 stuffed animals that my husband had given over the years, my son's first baby blanket (he was with his father while this was happening), a few of my husbands t-shirts, a blanket that my mother made when she was pregnant with me, and my bible. I was in bed clutching the stuffed animals with my bible on my pillow next to my head.

All I could think about was going into a peaceful sleep. I prayed for God's forgiveness. I asked for God to forgive me for my selfishness and all of my sins. I remember crying as I fell alseep.

I woke up Wednesday morning as if nothing had happned. This is a miracle. I woke up and literally said out loud to myself, "what the hell?" I got up out of bed an walked around my bedroom and looked around at everything. My bible was still on my pillow and everything else that I took to bed with me was still in its place. I was groggy, but I was okay.

I walked downstairs and got on the phone to Poison Control. I explained what I had done and gave the operator all the information on the drugs I overdosed on. She said I should be dead. I took a lethal dose of medication and it was God's work that I was alive.

Recently, I started attending church. I have made some very good friends, including the pastor and his wife and I know that many people have been praying for me. The power of prayer is real. God is real. Guardian angels must be real.......or else I would not be here tonight.

I also called my therapist and he was shocked that I survived. My T called my psychiatrist (they work together) and told her what happend. She was shocked that I was alive.

I don't know who was looking after me, but someone was. I have always believed that my paternal grandfather is my guardian angel. He died when I was 10 and I loved him dearly. My mom passed away unexpectedly in 1999. Maybe it was her who was watching over me. I don't know.

Anyway, that is my story. As sad as I am right now, I am grateful to be here. As I sit here on my couch I can't help but think about what I was feeling the other night when I attempted to take my life. I am meant to be here in this life no matter how hard it is for me. I think good things are to come for me. It just might take some time. All I know is I am definitely going to take some time out to really think about life and God because he is real and he is watching out for me.

Thank you.