(((NayNay))). I'm sorry you are so down. I've been very physically ill and I go to bed nightly thinking I will miraculously feel better tomorrow, but tomorrow seems to never come. History indicates that I do have good days, weeks, months and even years but it's been so long, it seems it was all a fluke or dream. Try to hold onto a sliver of hope as things do tend to get better in time. Hang in there, you are strong and can fight this.