Hi DaX: No... you don't deserve this! And your rant is not pathetic. I obviously don't know why your mother treats you the way she does. And I can certainly understand how you would feel the way you do. But it's important you try, as best you can, to keep in mind this is not your fault. You're doing the best you can... with essentially no support in real life. That's a real accomplishment. Hopefully you can find at least a glimmer of pride in that & carry it with you until you can finally be on you own. And in the meantime, keep coming back here to PC for whatever small amount of support we can offer.