I have known Mike (not his real name) for a very long time. At one time he and his wife and me and my husband - we were a foursome and did stuff together. I ended up divorced and so did Mike. After many years he wrote to me from another country where he had remarried. At first it was just informal superficial stuff...telling me about his new partner...exchanged addresses so we could be on our respective Christmas lists. We became Facebook friends, too.

But I began to notice a pattern. Once or twice a year his wife Betty (not her real name) would take off to visit one or another of her adult children. Within one or two days of her absence he would begin emailing me. I still thought it was like so much chitchat.

However, the emails got more personal. He became more involved with things going on in my life and is constantly giving me advice. He also had asked for my phone number years earlier...and when his wife is gone sometimes he would call me...a transatlantic call.

Recently he emailed me that his wife would be gone a month to visit her children. He started to say it was too bad I did not have travel money as it would be fun to have me visit (in present time - while his wife was away) and he outlined things he would show me in his country.

All innocent. However, I think...maybe not so much. I am a person who is at this time very vulnerable, very lonely, in crisis over being unemployed and broke.

So why would he talk about some fantasy visit? Also, does he imagine I would actually visit him while his wife is gone?

I think this is kind of like emotional cheating. I feel...this sounds really weird...but almost kind of "dirty" like I am doing something wrong.

This has happened to me several times on various community forums. Men who do not initially say they have a significant other (they act single) will start emailing me a lot...like daily...and even being kind of flirty. Eventually they say they have a partner or are married...and when I bring it up that flirting is inappropriate they would either apologize and never contact me again...or get really nasty...and cut me off.

Mike happens to be someone I knew in real life...but since I don't have the money to visit Mike and Betty this has become kind of an online thing. I never met Betty but we have emailed back and forth a bit and once when he called me he put Betty on the line and we talked for a long time. She's a great person from what I can tell.

I know there are those on this site who believe opposite sex relationships are fine. I guess I thought so too.

I don't feel like I can email Mike how I am feeling. He wouldn't "get it." He would think I am over-reacting. But I think it is weird he calls or emails me the day after Betty goes out of town. Sometimes my emails to him will go unanswered for months and then suddenly he is there - alone - telling me he "got around" to reading my email because Betty was gone and he had more time.

I will probably just fade him.

I have tried to do this before but after several months he starts leaving messages on Facebook for me, asking where I am and if I am okay, and he will also send emails to same effect. I never made him my designated protector or anything and I don't ask him for advice.

If I were married or had a significant other I don't think I would like him having an online friend. When I was married my then husband and I had opposite sex friends but to be honest it was always, always, always weird because sometimes the other people, if single, would develop "feelings" and it would always get uncomfortable.