It seems that this mixed state is worsening. I can't concentrate and can't sit still so study is so tough. Today in class I try to speak out to answer questions and get my words mixed up. Yet I keep putting my hand up. I find it hard to sit quietly. The agitation is bad and my mood tanking. Thoughts racing, twisting and turning over themselves. Exhausted from chronic fatigue but can't sit still. Sleep or lay in bed so much as I'm trying to escape being awake. Mood tanking. Suicidal thoughts creeping in. All is hopeless. Why am I studying at all? I can't hold a career with my mental and physical illnesses. I am so lonely. Friends never call and I spend most of my time alone. It seems, like Trent Reznor said in his song "Hurt", that 'Everyone goes away in the end'.

Sorry for the rant. I am trying to fight and keep living my life but I fall sometimes.