I'm a 18 year old female and I have a confusing and conflicting problem. I get repulsed at the idea of someone family close friends...even animals. I know crazy. anyone or anything really showing any type of affection and intimacy towards me. It rarely ever happens. I won't allow it. I've never been the type to hug or be physically affectionate. Most would say in my life I'm emotionless and show no love but j just dont like to be touched and just a awkward person in general well that's what Ive been saying but I feel like there's a deeper problem. No I've never been abused growing up by my parents I had a relatively good childhood my father was absent though. And Idk if this is of any importance Also to be clear I love sex. I would say I have a high sex drive. I crave it. So I'm not asexual or anything. Also to add I've never been in a Relationship ever and never really been intimate with anyone bc of that. I had a recent drunken event with another woman where we were sexually intimate and affection mostly initiated by her and afterwards I just felt disgusted and repulsed I wasn't really sexually attracted to her but I don't think I should go as far as feel disgusted? I've came to a conclusionthat i might get replused by it because of my severe self esteem issues and lack of confidence. Its basically non existent. So the idea of someone being intimate or wanting to be affectionate with me makes me repulsed and I feel like in a way repulsed with myself as if why would anyone want to. That's what I think it is. I'm not sure. Any thoughts and inputs would be appreciated. I don't want this to affect my future relationships