Thank you for 'talking' to me...Hopingtrying.....I know I don't write in a way that foster's response...yet I appreciate you doing just that....

I have passed days....moments of required participations......the 'must' of things done for others.....it is like something hangs as cloud of anxiety...that you must perform for others expectations.....A deep breath rises...as solitude is once again mine.....there comes a vast richness of time....that sense of allowed....even the doing of nothing...it is allowed....I breathe deeper....

It is so beautiful outside.....the trees are beginning to dress themselves...and the blossoms they are draped in....the palest of pinks...darkening into shadings of fuchsia....I can stare at them...with the lightening blue sky as backdrop...I think I would like to walk into that color....and live it for awhile....

I used to live in a space...where I trimmed a tree....so that there was a hidden room between the branches...one chair would fit in that space just so....I would sit there surrounded by living....completely hidden from view.....The time of the blossoms...was a sensory bathing of the exquisite......when I moved from there....I lost a need...I knew...It...gave to me....I just didn't realize how much...it helped me.......The landlord told me some years later....that when I left...the tree dropped it's leaves and died....
how could that be....it hurt me...as if I lost a friend....

Is it the touch of that...that is alive.....is it what makes me come here and sound words with my fingers....a wish for that touch of alive....there is so much that surrounds me.....a pulling for this and for that....a doing for others....should that give me enough....yet I feel it is not so....it is always another's wishes...for which I must act.....it is another's schedule of timing...never the moment of my...now....and it does not rise...that act of a moments...offering...as...this is for you......

Ahh...now I see....when I do come and write here....this is an action for me.....which gives your response Hopingtrying....an endearing bit of wonder....in that you did it for me....how lovely that is......