Entangled. I can relate to what you're going through more than you could ever know. I was verbally and physically harassed and attacked by my whole school as well and I have faced the exact same sexual issues you've listed above. In fact, I still struggle with them.

So ok, I NEVER talk about this stuff so I'm going to really put myself out there. I'm hoping I don't regret this but if it helps you, it's worth it.

Because I'm still working on these issues I can't be sure but I think it's that I so desperately want approval and attention that this has been a component of my sexual life. I want people to see me, touch me, love me. And that's a powerful need. Those cruel bastards have left me so lonely and needy that every aspect of who I am has been forever altered; and this includes how I relate to people sexually. bdsm and other submissive acts are another form of supplication in a quest to fill that need.

Now, I don't believe that all of these things have to be forever bad. It's really up to you and how you feel about them. Being seen, being submissive, and even being tied up can be part of a normal and healthy sex life. But your motive, how it makes you feel about yourself, and who you're doing this stuff with is a big concern. If you're in a healthy, caring relationship these elements can be fine but be cautious because being empty can cause some really bad choices. It has for me.

I hope this was helpful. If you want to talk more you can PM me but this, I think, is about all I'm willing to say about my own issues in this thread.

Cyran0