I have this friend I met on OkCupid on Christmas Day. Anyway, he isn't a boyfriend, though I speak to him over text every day, certainly more than any other friend/person in my life. We have met in person, and we get along very well. He is probably one of the nicest, most uncomplicated people I know. Which is refreshing, and is a great foil to my personality.

The thing is that W is both agoraphobic and pretty inexperienced with women. Though he's been married--and I haven't--I think she was probably only the second woman he'd ever dated. Here is where the problem lies: W and I sort of initially bonded over our mutual "crazy," which I know isn't the best thing to bond over. His crazy you just have to accept: he's not going to go outside of his comfort zone, and if you want to hang out, it's going to be at home. My crazy has more to do with abandonment issues, and once I'm comfortable and trust someone, fades away. But man oh man, is it hell on wheels until then.

W, once it came out in full force, was put off by my crazy, and I don't blame him. Lots of people are. One of things he said is that I "talk angry and then come back the next day and apologize" He told me my lack of trust is off-putting. He said that he knows he can't deal with that in a relationship, but that he is better with it in a friendship. And I am really ashamed of it, but sometimes I feel like I can't control my fear of people leaving. However, though he no longer wants to date, he's still the only guy in probably 7 years who has stuck around through the worst of it and still said, "I'm not going anywhere." He tells me that all the time. This is a problem, because the longer he sticks around, the more emotionally attached I get. It's weird because I don't think we'd be compatible, dating-wise, in the long run. For lots of reasons. (And, though he states he finds me attractive and thinks I'm pretty awesome, he has stated this as well.) It's like I want some weird hybrid of something between dating and friendship. Like, I don't want to sleep with him, but I don't want him to sleep with anyone else. Does that make sense?

TBH I'm not terribly worried about it at the moment, because he says, in 4 years of being on OkC, I'm only the second woman he's met He's not repulsive; actually the opposite. But it's hard when you don't actually GO anywhere. Or message anyone (he says I was a fluke; I was the first person he'd messaged in ages).

I don't think he understands the emotional attachment aspect of talking to a female every day for 3 1/2 months. I think he just thinks that he is behaving like a friend, because he's THAT inexperienced. And I have to say I don't want to stop him. We've discussed how I feel and he says if it's too hard for me then--though he says he'd be unhappy about it--we need to either end or curtail our friendship. We finally decided not to do either (and he said that had to be the last of the discussion about it, or he would have to be done).

He tells me I need to go with the flow, and I feel like I have. Last night, I cut off our text convo because I was feeling some kind of way. I said, "I feel like I want to pick a fight or something--I really don't, but I feel like if I kept talking, I probably would." He said, "I'm sure you could find someone to pick a fight with." I initially took it as I am just all too willing to argue. But I don't think it was meant that way at all; he has NEVER said anything intentionally hurtful. But in light of how he said he couldn't live with certain things in a dating relationship, I guess it stung pretty badly. I felt like I was doing incredibly well lately going with the flow, and it felt like oh...no, I guess I'm always just going to be the argumentative chick that he can't live with. I think the fact that it was said innocently and without malice hurts worse, because he said it not meaning to hurt me...that's just what he thinks.

Am I doing myself and him an injustice by keeping this friendship? I am probably making it sound like there is a huge emotional investment in nothing. There isn't, but it is nice to have someone who texts every day and says nice, encouraging things to you when you're having a crazy day at work. And vice versa, I'm sure (he works from home, obvs). And we have a lot of fun when we hang out. We care a lot about each other. The way I see it, I probably need to be better about going with the flow--I have always been awful at it. And if any friendship can help me learn this, it's probably going to be this one. I just don't want to delude myself or hurt him in the process.