Been feeling anxious all day and never got a call back from my pdoc. I think how the evening progressed I got slightly depressed.
I looked back and wonder where did I go wrong, where did I mess up, why did I go through it. I wish I could have those five years back. It was years of deep depression, spending weeks in my bed, feeling sorry for myself, being lonely, and not not wanting to exist, eating like crap, not maintaining myself, losing friends, feeling numb day to day.

But what if I could start all over again. Maybe a different city or state. What if I could lose this weight and get my old body back. What if I can get another degree and a job I would enjoy. I wouldn't want to lose my close friends though. But what if I can get another chance, be something I'm proud of. Maybe be happy. It's been a long time since that.