jinny, sabby is right. As a man i can attest that we are definitly 'fixers' and when we can't fix something the feelings of helplessness and frustration can come across as anger. I'm sure Tony is trying to 'get it' and he is probably very frustrated and angry at himself for not getting it.

When you feel guilty that makes him feel guilty for making you feel guilty..... its a viscious cycle. He is probably tip toeing around you trying to not make things worse because he doesn't know how to make things better. Its a hard place to be in.

Don't take his edgyness and frustration as him being angry at you for your condition. He is more likely angry at himself because he can't make you better. He loves you and wants to make you happy and when he can't do that he blames himself.

Like sabby and okie said, give him something he can do, something constructive, even if it is just a hug or a backrub. Let him on the team so he feels like he is having some positive impact on your treatment.