I'm not qualified to explain narcissism, but I married a malignant narcissist...he was great in the beginning like your ex...and I then proceeded to be verbally abused (severely) for sixteen years. I was so confounded by his behavior to me.

I fled (literally) and divorced. High conflict. He was diagnosed as a narcissist during our divorce. He stalked me, threatened, harassed me. His goal was to cause me pain. He was enraged I left him.

We have no relationship whatsoever and that is best. He's the most controlling person I've ever met. Money and image were extremely important to him. My only regret was not leaving sooner.

You dodged a bullet - a big one. I cannot diagnose but you did the right thing.

No contact is important. You sound very mature...it's a bad idea to engage in any argument or conflict. It will not go well. She will likely have to "win" and you may be subject to her wrath. Block her on your phone, FaceBook, everything. Actually, maybe change your number if you think she might contact you. She's likely moved on.

My therapist told me narcissists are very insecure and are running from pain. They must project "perfection" to the outer world; exposure of any self-perceived weakness, being wrong, etc...it's not an option. They will not own up to or lack insight to do so. They don't ever apologize...they are always "right," you're in the wrong.

There was no empathy with my ex. I truly believed he loved me in the beginning and planned to spend my entire life with him. He didn't love me and he did not have empathy for anyone. He's the most superficial person I've known.

He wanted me because he found me attractive and I made good money. He liked that I'm a lawyer. He found it prestigious. I looked good on his arm and dressed to his satisfaction, etc. I basically was an extension of him...to boost his image. Kind of like an accessory. He projected a positive image, performed well at his job, was polite to people, etc.

At home, he was horrid to me. Lies, manipulation, selfish, gaslighting, etc. He controlled me and had an irrational jealous streak.

Basically my therapist summed it up as to why my ex never loved me. She said a true narcissist can only have one relationship - and it's with themselves. That was an eye-opener.

Take care, see a therapist if you need closure on it. A trauma therapist is who I went with, as I have PTSD from his abuse. You got out early...you did the right thing, regardless of labels...she has issues and you deserve better.