It seems strange that your wife insists she has no interest in pursuing divorce, while she seems to have even less interest in being really married. The first thing I have to wonder is what financial considerations might be motivating her. She strikes me as someone who does nothing without a well-calculated set of reasons. (At least, well-calculated according to her own lights.)

Since the hour long conversation with her mainly just left you upset, then I would say don't get sucked into these long talks that go nowhere. I don't know ehat specifically to advise you about a "no contact" policy. It pretty much us impossible when you have children with thus woman and you love those children. A court sanctioned separation might help better order how care of the children is structured. It seems you've been very accomodating, even to the point of being taken advantage of. She sure can't think you're too bad of a guy to be this happy with turning the kids over to you on a frequent basis. They don't seem to mind either.

I'm glad you're getting to the "acceptance stage" of this whole miserable ordeal. I do hope you've gotten sound legal advice and helpful support from the counselor you mentioned seeing.

As for the "no contact," it probably boils down to you just cutting the conversation short with her when it isn't clearly about a need to update you on one, or other, of the kids. You also need to start having a life. You need to start dating again, also, if you haven't been. At the very least, have as much of a social life as you can arrange . . . and don't share with her what you're doing. It has become none of her business.

I've never had kids, so there's a lot I don't know. Don't let her use talking about the kids as a conversation opener just leading to her wanting to keep track of you. And you might want to not be overly interested in keeping track of her. She's not going to be honest about what she's doing.

This is a hard thing to go through, and she seems to not care about making it less painful for you. I wish I had more and better advice for you. You seem to be trying to do what's right. That's a good habit to get into, and your future will be the better for it. Take it day by day.