I don't know about the rest of you but i am glad that one major holiday is over. Now there's only one more to get through for the year. It's so hard to pretend that you're o.k. in a group of people. I was expected to (and did lilke a good little soldier) to cook and host a meal for 14. I tried to be upbeat and remind my self that I like doing this. I did all of the right things. Made small talk, plans for Christmas, played cards after the meal while the men slept in front of the t.v. All of the regular things. But it was not regular for me. All of the blackness that hangs with me was stil there blurred by the effects of xanax covering me like a blanket of despair. Why doesn't this just stop????