I have a brain injury....i have some understanding of not trusting your brain to process correctly what is before you...so how can you trust anything...if you can not even trust your own brain to let you be real.....It is hard to describe the kind of fear that can rise from that....I too...had speech difficulties...especially in the time of closeness of my injury....it took a lot of therapy....for that to improve...and then in stress...my brain does not fire...so there is no speech.....there is just something within that watches a movie...yet no response....that too is frightening.....

There is something I still do...with doctors...and others...in situations where I know I am going to have stress and doubts for my ability to communicate....I write it down...especially to the doctors....away from them and their offices....i write it down...my questions and what I am feeling....about specific things....and then hand them the paper....it is really very helpful....for me and for them...you don't forget things in the anxiety of the moment....and you can be more detailed than often occurs in actual speech in the moment....I would leave a little pad of paper out...and as things rose up for me....I would write it down...so i had an accumulation of information that would help the doctors or therapists...help me.....

Often times....I get overwhelmed....in those moments...I try to turn my mind/brain...back to the exact moment before me....not the future...or the past....just this moment...what is in front of my nose....and I will often go searching out something beautiful...so that is the only thing in front of my nose...beauty.......it takes practice...yet it is very helpful....for most often....the confusion that rises is about....what has happened in the past...or what is going to be in the future....and the moment I am in exactly....is not that stress filled....sometimes fear seems to override everything.....

I will say also......that my brain injury....I take no medications....it messes with my brain too much....one time a doctor insisted I take anti depressant....I trusted him...so I took 2 pills.....I called him up.....with some of the same symptoms you are speaking of......I felt like everything and everyone....was very far away from me....space was distorted....and I also...felt like I was so large I was bigger than my own home...kind of an Alice in Wonderland arms and legs poking out the window....kind of thing...it was horrifying....utterly horrifying...and I too had the experience of being outside my body....and that my feelings were somehow buried....like I was wrapped up in some barrier that kept them locked out....again distorted.....My doctor told me to NOT take one more anti depressant.....so maybe some of what you feel could be from the medications.....and side effects.....so I would urge you again...to write down what you feel...on paper...so that the doctors have this information.....it is important for them to know...because that is what they base their decisions on....just like us....to make a choice we need to know what is going on....you aren't going to dive into a pool of 1 inch of water....yet if you know it is 10 feet deep then you could dive in with safety....that kind of thing.....

I too hope you can find what makes you feel safe in your surroundings....and with others....it is VERY GOOD you come here to communicate....we all need to feel connection...and to be heard...even if we are not great speakers.....for many years...my speech was so stressful....that I often just sang one note....but the tone of that note I could convey many things....enough that the words didn't matter so much....I was still understood.....

I am always saying this...yet it is my greatest wish....that people find ease in their hearts....to be able to breathe with that feeling of peace.....I wish you comfort....