1. I've written about this before but I still feel weird that I get schadenfreude. I sometimes feel secretly satisfied when something bad happens to someone else. For example, I'll feel secretly happy that my friend is fighting with her boyfriend because then my relationship with my boyfriend doesn't seem so bad. Or I felt secretly happy that my pretty sister was gaining weight because then I had a way of looking better in comparison to her. Or I feel secretly glad that one of my friends at work messed up on something because another coworker confided in me about it and it made me feel special. This is all horrible. I'm worried I have no empathy.

2. I also noticed lately that I have a weird tendency to smile when something bad is happening. Today at work one of my 5th grade students started crying because they were nervous for a presentation and I walked over there to console her but I was smiling on the way. Then I caught myself and I was like why?. In a way, I guess I'm happy that I can help her and I didn't want her to be upset but I still wasn't really empathizing with her, so when I caught myself smiling I again thought that I was an evil person. And this tendency to smile in bad situations happens more than just this once...

What is wrong with me? Am I evil? Can I not empathize?