AK,
I'm sorry to hear that you are having such a difficult time. I can empathize with your fear of getting attached to other people as I do the same.

It's easy to intellectualize about how you caused your T's sickness. Humor me here for a moment, if you will. Think up 2 really good hypotheses as to how you could NOT possibly be responsible for his sickness I'm honestly looking forward to hearing your reply! You're not small, you're not insignificant. Your weakness, I hope you're not offended, does lie in your inability to take a stand on things, an inability to tell others how you feel (yes, I am kidding, LOL). Take care of yourself and don't make me wait too long for your reply