I have an obsession with my psychiatrist and feel unable to control it. I began seeing him after my husband left me about 8 years ago. After some time he encouraged me to try online dating which I did with some limited success. However, I also ended up seeing him on the same site, which led to an attraction that intensified with time, depending on my life circumstances. I am back with my husband and no longer have an account of my own, but shamefully, I do have a fake one I use to check on my doctor. I don’t contact him but check to see if he’s active or not. When he is, I feel relieved. When he isn’t or his profile is hidden, I get a pit in my stomach.

I am otherwise a decently functioning person, some of which was helped by this doctor. In the time I’ve seen him I began working again, got my masters and have learned to stand up for myself and deal with my husband in a more positive way. The place I’m lacking most is in my obsession with him. Should I talk to him about it? I’m afraid it would raise and issue of boundaries so I am reluctant to tell the whole truth. He knows I’ve been on and off the site over the years, mostly to gage what kind of luck I’d have if I ever had to date again in the future. But for about 2 years, that has not even been something I’ve done. I only check on him and think about him all the time. I suppose the logical thing would be to find a new psychiatrist, but attraction aside, I do like him as a provider. It has helped my social anxiety in that I can talk to a good looking man, something I would never, ever do in the past. I share a lot with him. Do you think I’d be terminated if I share too much about this particular issue?

Part of the problem with me as a patient, I think, is that I fake "normal" so well that he doesn't really get how obsessive I can be. I know what appropriate behavior is and know this is not. Of course knowing and acting with self control are very different things! Can anyone relate to this? I appreciate any feedback!