I am sorry. It was a long post. I also do long posts and only a handful of people can stay with me.

I was thinking I had a friendship that became very complicated. This guy and I were friends then he wanted to take it to another level. I didn't. We kept on as platonic friends. But then he would pressure me to get romantic. It was...complicated.

At one point he even moved to be closer to where I was living. I wasn't leading him on. It got very push pull....for years!

I really liked this person as a friend. He was unusual. I remember back then thinking some woman would be lucky to have him. But not me.

Eventually he found a woman years later. I was living with my boyfriend at the time. And he and his girlfriend visited us. It was strange because on some level I was actually a bit jealous. Happy for him. But jealous.

Maybe there was a bit of attraction deep down that I did not acknowledge because I knew we weren't right for one another.

The point is we really couldn't remain on a friend level and it wasn't going to a romantic level. So it was kind of a dead end.

It was very complicated. I didn't talk about it because...I probably never could have explained it properly.

Good luck. It is a meaningful connection for you on some level and you are probably growing as a result of it. So all connections are meaningful no matter the outcome. My "friend" used to send me beautiful little notes and postcards and I still have them. And I am a person who rarely saves things like that. Life is a mystery and people are mysterious.