I know that the title makes no sense but listen to what I have to say. Its like this, mentally I'm in so much pain from hurts that I've caused or have happened to me. I can't seem to cope half the time and I've lost many of the people I thought I could rely on to understand. They have either been forced out of my life, died, left, or never really understood in the first place. Those that do understand have their own problems to deal with. Besides I can't rely on people to help me cope for the rest of my life. So I don't want to live like this, and I see no way out. But yet I can't end it all. To many people need me and rely on me. That and I can't seem to force myself after the last time I tried. I can't seem to find the main reason why I feel this way either. I just feel so lost and gone. Like the me I used to be is already dead, and I'm just living out a fake life.