I've almost died a few times in my life. Of course, outside of once, it was sudden and/or abuse turned into a possible death. So, I always viewed death as something out of my control but I never wanted to see it coming.
Then I got sick. Real sick. I had to re-visit the idea of my mortality, except this time I had power enough to fight it off, if only for a little more time. Well, I wanted to die. I desired release from this life and all of its hell. In the end, I chose to fight and I've been winning, thus far.

At that time and since, I didn't fear what would happen to me. After all, death is death and can't be prevented in the end. I do still have fear in what will happen to those close to me when I go. My only solace in that, is that when it happens, I have to believe that it was meant to be. Because if it is meant to be, that means that something or someone (whatever the hell exists, God or "good vibes, man" or Odin) has determined that these people I love will be strong enough to get through it.

I've contemplated suicide many times and nearly achieved twice if I hadn't been caught. The truth is, as much as I still want to do it, I don't think I can. I don't believe it's my decision as to when they'll be prepared enough to get passed it (if that's possible).